New Chapter: It's Time - Journal #21

I almost forgot I have a blogspot journal. It's been awhile I have not made any update since July 2022. You may be wondering where in the world I can could be found? Asa naman ni si Ruvi oi!  5 months of silence made me realized I have a lot to catch up on my journal. I awe this journal lots of story to tell. As in daghan.

So, where should I begin?

... ... ... (Writer's block) Mao nani ron. Ahahahaha.

I know, right? Ahahaha, I guess, I have no idea where to start and what to tell to begin with. Hmmm, give me a minute... Wait sah, nag-huna²x pko.

 Let me begin the story during my TDCX journey. It was a privilage job because I was able to work in the comfort of my home. A temporary work from home setup that enabled me to become so busy. I have a freedom to do what's important and what matters to me, such as watching movies over Netflix and random videos on Youtube, listening to music, playing guitar, enjoying lots of coffee time just to keep myself awake all the time during my shift. You see, I have plenty of time for myself and yet I forgot about updating my journal. Wala japon koy lusot sah?

One thing I've learned about being away from social media is that, it helped me get a better sleep, no matter how busy I am, I don't feel the stress, it also helped me prevents depression, anxiety and psychological distress.

So, that's it Pacit!

I never thought I would miss words so much.

So far I have spent many months of my life in complete silence–those are some of the hardest, most introspective, interesting days of my life. And yes, I highly recommend it.

Guess what? Tagnaa! Manghatag ko ug 100 load through Gcash. Ahahaha!

We were all ordered to work onsite. Sayang! I started to love the idea of working at home pa naman. I was planing to look for additional part-time income pa naman and use my free time. Sige nalang. Imagine, in 24hrs, I spent 9hrs for my entire shift, I still have 4 to 6 hours that I can use to maximize my potential income. 

Pero drawing ra diay, ahahahaha. Back to reality nata ani. ME TIME, no more. Everything has changed. Well, what would I expect, dba? Temporary Work From Home gani! Ahahahaha, pero at least once in awhile, I get to have plenty of time for myself which I think I won't be able to find it somewhere else. But still, it made me wish it could have been a Permanent Work From Home. It could have been better. 

I think there is a reason for everything and I believe these changes gave me a sign that I am ready for a new chapter. A chapter to level up and go out of my comfort zone. It's time to fight a good fight. It's time to make or break. It's time to create new and good memories and leave the past behind. After all,  I am ready! IT'S TIME!

Let me tell you another story. Ready naba ang tanan? Ahahaha, cheers to a new chapter! 

I finally met a girl. She's so beautiful, caring with a pure and loving heart. I like her because she is independent and responsible person. I like everything about her and her being so kind and being so genuine which comes so naturally. At first, I thought she's too good for me and I don't think someone like me could have a single chance and to even get a privilage to get to know her. 

We've been chatting on and off for some time and we didn't have any intention to really dig deeper into getting a serious conversation until one day for some reason, I suddenly felt there was something in this girl. I feel better everytime I have her attention. I suddenly become someone better than myself. She brings out the best in me.

 You know, when you meet someone and you have no idea nga siya diay imong ma-pares in the end. It feels like that to me. And as you go along with it, you realize, you are meeting you future partner without knowing or noticing it.

But then, there is really something sa akoa nga heavy kaayo sa akong heart and I feel guilty about it. You know why? Because of the idea of her being too good for me and the feeling of not being worthy enought for her. This is the reason why I'm saying all these things. I have two kids already from two different woman. And the fact that I am already married made me fell so sad about myself. It was a tug-of-war in my head whether or not to tell her about it. But then, I realize, it's so unfair and being selfish of me not to tell her everything about my past. I could be wasting her time all along and she ends up miserable. Eventually, she will figure it out sooner or later. So, what difference could it make? 

So, I decided to tell her everything she deserve to know. I just need time and timing. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, I really have to tell her the soonest time posible. Took me many days of sleepless nights thinking about how to open this up to her and strategize my approach in a way that she will not get shock too much. I confess some of it. I told her about my ex gf which was my previously ended relationship 3 years ago and I told her that we had a baby boy. I thought that was enough and I will feel better after telling her. It made my guilt even worst. I was planning to tell her one piece at a time but it seems like the more I keep it, the more it becomes so heavy. I was afraid to loose her so I made a promise to myself to drop all my card on the table as soon as we meet. 

To cut the story a little shorter, we met the very first time and without hesitation, I was able to confess everything. As in tanan. Bahala na! At least I am being honest to myself. It would be more rewarding if she accepts me and my past than living a life in LIES. So, unsay nahitabo sa story? Chill, relax lang, muabot rata diha. 

It turned out, she admired my courage and honesty to confess everything and because of that, she trust me with her love. Grabe noh? It took me more than 3 years to fall in love again. I never thought there was still someone who would accept me. 

I may be surrounded by many thorns, at least I live in LOVE & TRUTH. 

PS: I love you babe