Why me?

Journal#015

Confession101

Things turn out so well until yesterday. I had a major breakdown and I did not see that coming. I began to cry and I don’t even know why. My mind was playing on me BIG time. Grabe ka sakit. Dli nku ma figure out nganong mutulo nalang akong luha. I felt the pain inside and I don’t know where it’s coming from. All I know is Im doing the right thing this time. I don’t want to have another failure again in life. I really wanted to be happy and be the man I suppose to be. 

Last night when I was about to go to work, I suddenly felt different. As if something is going to happen. As if someone is going to leave. I started crying as I go down the stairs and then this happened. I didn’t expect that moment so I decided to take a day off. I informed my manager that im not going to work. I decided to take a day off not because I had to deal with this again but it will affect my work and I don’t want that to happen.

So I went back upstairs and immediately went to my bed. I could not stop crying. It took me 2 to 3 hours before I realize I was crying. Kabalo ka anang sige ka ug hilak without knowing you really are crying until you realize and see yourself at it. Naka ask ko sa ako self, “why am I crying?” I was trying to talk to myself but the other person wont respond. So this time I continue to cry but at least I am aware of it. 

But WHY? Why me? Its been a battle in my mind last night and I was alone. The other person is not talking. It took another hour before I felt sleepy. And guess what? I slept for more than 13 hours. And when I woke up, I said, “That was another hell of a story to tell.” Suddenly, the other person responded, “hell yeah!” kung kanus-a tika kailangan, usa paka wala nagparamdam. And then I felt better. The end.