Dear Ex

Journal#001

Dear Ex. I’ll end this. It’s been a while since we broke up and I have finally decided to end this. But before that, I wanted to tell you this. Thank you. Those were the words I kept on saying when you came into my life. I said before, “Thank God, I found you.” Because it’s like you were sent from heaven. Your eyes, your lips, your smile, it’s like an angel on earth. Thank you for those sweet moments we shared. From the morning hug, morning kiss and we even brushed our teeth together. Thank you for the love and care. I thought we will always be like that until forever. But our story was far from a fairytale. We did not live happily ever after. It is true what they say. The break up hurts you but it is the memories that crushes your soul. You can’t imagine that it’s the sweet memories that really breaks your heart. I can remember all the things I did just to ease the pain. I drowned myself with alcohol. I lost myself on my journey towards finding a way to forget you. I would give anything just to remove all the pain that I feel. 

Dear Ex. I remember when I saw you once, and here I am struggling to forget you. But you were so ok that it looked like you were not in pain when you lost me. 

Dear Ex. Why so sudden? Why will you replace me like that? I hate you! For hurting me so bad, for making me feel that I am the biggest mistake in your life. It was hard to accept the fact that you pushed me away. Was it because that my whole world just spined around you? Is it sin to love you that much? You were so complacent because you know that I will give everything for you. I didn’t think that despite everything, I was still not enough. I don’t know why but I am sorry. I’m sooo sorry that I was never enough. Despite that, I swallowed my pride because I still wanted you back. It hurts when you said that you want to give up already. I’m stupid, very stupid. 

Dear Ex. Thank you so much! If it’s not with you, I would not realize my own worth as a person. I learned to love myself first, you are the reason why I know that I deserve so much better.

If you are hurting right now, bear with it. If someone you love left you, don’t suppress the feeling. Cry it out. If it really hurt that much, trust that one day, you will be ok. Remember, the only way to remove the pain is to go through it. Because one day when you are walking down the aisle, looking at the love of your life, you will be thankful why it did not work with anybody else.